We all know the internet really isn’t a safe space for anybody. You’re ridiculed for what you do. You’re ridiculed for what you don’t. As with all things, you can’t please all the people all the time…or any of the time for that matter.
Despite this knowledge, there are some things that just grind my gears. I saw this post on Facebook earlier today:
Again, my brother spent $200 for his wedding…. went to the park, invited 10 ppl and went fishing after lol pic.twitter.com/iWvPRL1QwC
— Queen*Lola*McFierce (@CaNdY_n_VoDkA) March 15, 2016
I think this is cute. I don’t have a problem with it. Get married how you like and be sure to get a great picture of guests throwing petals while y’all walk down the aisle. Do you. What I do have a problem with are the comments that suggest that this marriage (or any other that doesn’t include a comma) will last because they didn’t spend a lot of money or because the couple chose not to go into debt over a marriage.
Let’s get a few things straight:
- Everybody who plans a BIG fancy wedding ain’t broke. A $10,000 wedding isn’t going to put everybody in debt. The same is true for a $50,000 wedding. And though the tides may be changing with more couples footing the bill for their own big day, that is not always the case. You don’t know how this wedding is being financed. It’s not your business and it’s not your problem.
- Everybody planning a small or less fancy wedding ain’t broke. Some people just don’t want all that. They may enjoy intimate events (like myself). They may prefer to go on a lavish honeymoon instead. Just because they want to spend less on a wedding doesn’t mean they are doing it because they are smart or responsible. They may not be saving for a house. They may not be focusing on minimizing debt. Maybe they just don’t want a BIG fancy wedding. It may be hard to believe, but it’s true.
Most people are unaware or just strategically forget that the majority of wedding spending is done on the reception (the celebration) not the ceremony (the marriage).
Large venue to accommodate two families and friends? For the guests. The choice of two meats and a vegetarian option? That’s for the guests. Open bar? The newlyweds may not even have time to drink. That’s for the guests. Programs? Favors? Invites? All for the guest. Granted the couple may have made selections based on their personal tastes, because a good host/ess goes above and beyond to create a nice experience for their guests, but make no mistake about it, the majority of the money spent on weddings is to ensure that the guests have a wonderful experience.
Bottom line, y’all have got to stop criticizing people for how they choose to celebrate their marriage (with you). You can’t judge one couple for hosting the party of the century while simultaneously making fun of another couple for making a more fiscally responsible choice by getting married in the
projects apartment courtyard. If that’s too much of a task, stop being a part of the problem. The next time you get a fancy invitation in the mail, don’t even bother getting excited or commenting on the hand written address, the texture of the paper, or the beautifully coordinated envelope liner. Do not be swayed by the luxurious event venue or the promise of a steak and lobster dinner at no charge to you. Promptly remove the RSVP card, select no, and mail it back. By choosing not to attend, you’ll be saving the couple an average of $200 and according to some of you, maybe even their marriage. Matter of fact, when you see the announcement, don’t even send your address. Say congrats, send a gift, and call it a day. If that’s not something you’re willing to do, then maybe you need to reevaluate your issues with expenses, because clearly it is not a concern when it comes to what you’ll be receiving.